Sunday, February 9, 2014

For My Baby Boy

Declaration of Independence

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one baby to dissolve the umbilical bands which have connected him with his mother, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle him, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that he should wait exactly 40 weeks and one day and then cause his mama’s water to break at 9pm so as to make known that which impels him to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that breaking your water without any contractions totally seems like a false alarm, that it’s not unreasonable to causally make your way to the hospital when you think they’re just gonna send you home like they did with Tyler, to be a little upset when they tell you that they’re going to give you antibiotics and “wait and see what happens”, that if nothing happens in a few hours they’re going to induce you “cuz this baby gots to come”. --That to deal with these inconveniences, Cell phones are instituted among Parents, deriving their powers from wall outlets, -- That whenever any Form of Boredom presents itself , it is the Right of the Parents to Facebook and check email or restlessly nap, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness for like the next nine hours.

Babyburg Address

Four score and seven days after March  15th, 2011,  at about 6am, a nurse brought forth to St. Barnabus Hospital a dose of Pitocin, conceived in Liberty and dedicated to the proposition of inducing this pregnancy.  Now Fawn’s body became engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that body or any body so induced, can long endure the rapid onset of fierce and powerful contractions.  So we were met on a great hospital room of that war.  We had come to dedicate a portion of that room, as the final resting place for the pain of those contractions that an epidural might let us live.  It was altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, but an incompetent anesthesiologist might injecting it slightly too low, cause most of the lower body to go numb but not the most critical area.  The brave woman, who struggled here, quickly dedicated a great task for her husband to track down a nurse and get this bad boy resolved  and that he might take increased devotion to that cause or soon perish from the earth.

AXH's First Inaugural

But this great Woman will endure as she has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing she had to fear is fear itself - also, super painful contractions brought on by an induced labor and not eased in any way by a ineptly administered epidural.  In every dark hour of our parenting life, a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory.  And so Doug found a nurse and implored her to get a competent anesthesiologist to give that support to leadership that is so important in this critical time.  And that support was provided.  So after a harrowing two and half hours of labor (most of which without pain relief), Doctor Jones showed up and said “you know the drill, right?”  But Fawn did not smile.  She centered and focused and bared down and pushed.

AXH's Commencement Speech

And then Aidan was there, and the moon and the planets were there, and new hopes for knowledge and peace were there.  And so we set sail on the most hazardous and dangerous and greatest adventure on which mankind has ever embarked - raising two boys.

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