Dear Tyler & Aidan,
There are some things in this world that can be known. There are also some things that are unknowable. Part of life is learning to accept that some things cannot be known. You will find and rebel and eventually accept that much about women is simply unknowable. It is frustrating and difficult and ultimately insurmountable. Accepting it will be one of the great triumphs in your life. But there is at least one thing about women that is knowable. And that, is that you do not fuck with their hair. If there is a woman that you like/respect/would enjoy ever seeing again, you are to compliment them on their hair and then shut the fuck up. It is simple, but it is critical to your future happiness. Women are not impenetrable magical sphinxes with mysterious vails and complex machinations. They are human, with everything that entails. So do yourself a favor, respect all women and show them that by at a bare minimum praising their hair and being quiet. It is hard fought wisdom that is as true today as it will be when you care to remember it. But for now, please stop pulling your mother's hair every time she gives you a hug. I'm sick of hearing her complain about it. Just give her a kiss and go away.